So, I gave myself a year.
I knew teaching yoga was something I wanted to do, in a different way than anything I’ve ever wanted to do before.
It may not have been obvious to anyone and it definitely wasn’t obvious to me but, up until that point, I was actually living on a weird kind of autopilot. As teacher training went on, suddenly I remembered what it felt like to have goals, to have something that I genuinely wanted to work towards. Woah. It was a “WOAAAH” kind of feeling and I would say it’s a lot like waking up. It’s hard to keep on describing but for sure, it was a state of hopeful being I wanted to hold on to and so I gave myself a year to see if there was any way I could build a life out of this exhilaration – regardless of disastrous failure and possibly wasting 365 days.
I’m so so happy to say that, I couldn’t have been more wrong :)
Yes there were a few disappointments along the way and yes there were days of idle time, but absolutely none of it was a waste. I know “perfect” is a word that’s hard to use in a completely truthful manner but I’m using it now. The process, the struggle was and is absolutely perfect :)
I went through a lot of “down” phases mentally and emotionally, more than I care to admit – and even now, I can say I’m slowly rising up from another strong “down” phase. The funny thing is, I learn the saaaaame lessons over and over again. Every time I re-learn them, I believe the lessons more and more.
That the universe provides. That there is a force supporting you, giving you the power to wake up and live. That everything comes at the time they’re supposed to come. That everything is a teacher and that every teacher is beautiful. That in every “NOW,” you don’t need anything at all except what’s already in the present moment. That there’s a “highest good” you can look forward to. That all you have to do is to do your best and be proud of yourself at the end of each day.
It’s one thing to say and write, but to believe these things absolutely… man, what a gift.
One of the biggest gifts I’ve received so far is another big word that’s hard to use. Love.
As a student and an eternal beginner, I’m realizing that the intangible thing that keeps me going back to my practice is actually love: to be given the strength to love myself and others.
As a teacher, I feel and know now that it’s impossible to teach and give yourself in service without the ability to love people. You don’t have to know their life stories. It just takes a second to understand that the people you are faced with are all worth so much, and that’s enough to love them. What gets me inspired is how students find the time to get to their mats at all; when they could be doing a different million things, they’re there working to become better versions of themselves — how can you NOT love that? There’s no way :)
It’s still so overwhelming and amazing to me to be given the trust to guide, the trust to stand in places and represent communities of teachers I admire. And the fact that I can continue to live this life tomorrow and the day after that – I’m in absolute awe.
There’s nothing else to be but absolutely grateful ♥ To my teachers, to my angels, to my family, to my friends, to the people who took a chance on me, to everyone I’ve met along the way and most of all, to the people who trust me enough to listen… thank you.
I guess this means I’ll give myself another year ;)
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti